I am completely frustrated. My husband's wonderful ex wants more money. Fine he recieved a raise but the reason I am mad is because they are going to use our income tax and take the money that I made into consideration. I have three kids of my own to raise. What gives her/them the right to do this? I can barely make ends meet now with gas and oil prices. I have a large home but now I am going to be at risk of losing it. I would be fine with selling it but the market is really crappy. I can't lose my job because it pays better than any in my home town even with the traveling but I have to drive 45 minutes to get there. My kids all ready go without because I believe in fairness but you know I am getting tired of it. I am having a hard time keeping the faith. My 17 year old wrecked our truck so we had to get a new/used vehicle(she was okay). My 8 year old may have thyroid issues and all three of my children need glasses. The 17 and 8 year old need braces and I am going to have to be on something here pretty soon to keep sane. I just don't know what to do. I have tried to reason with this women and have been nothing but nice because I believe in the whole karma thing but it is getting really hard. I didn't grow up like this. I was raised with empathy. I think she was raised by the devil. Well must get back to work. Needed to get this out because I am having a hard time concentrating.
Completely Frustrated!!!!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
New Step-Mom to Blogger
I have replied to a couple posts and I am afraid that I may have been misunderstood or misread so I felt it necessary to speak a little about my beliefs on being the Bio-mom and the Step-mom.
1. I believe that each one has a very important role to play. They are both going to shape their children’s lives. It may not always be good but every experience is one to learn from. The parents of the children are the sole decision makers, Steps are welcome to have input though. Parents should not allow the Steps to treat the other parent with belittlement.
2. Everyone should give and take responsibility. I get frustrated when people put the responsibility on others to raise their children, protect their children or teach their children. It also strikes a nerve when parents want to tell the other parents what they should be doing in their home. They try to control not only their own world but others as well. There are times to be concerned but if they are not being abused in any way, belittled or neglected then it is not the absent parties responsibility to control. I particularly love how everyone knows what is going on at the other person’s house. (They never play with the kids or take them anywhere. All they do is watch T.V.)
3. I find it confusing as to why the Bio Mom gets upset and refuses to foster a relationship with the other when they are the one that left in the first place which in turn created the situation. I am sure I will probably get something back like how the husband was a horrible person and that may be true but that falls back to responsibility and living with the mistakes one has made. After that you have to take a bad situation and make the best out of it especially for the kids. I mean after all the Bio mom should be happy because not only has she gotten rid of what she thought was the problem but now has someone to help her raise her children. Which in some cases it is nice to have someone to bounce ideas off sometimes it is nice to have some time off. In my situation I am a 35 yr old who has raised a 17 yr old (plus 2 others 7 and 10) so to have a 27 yr old BM of one, come in and say that I don’t know how to wash clothes or take care of a child ticked me off. She left my husband and her daughter on Christmas day. She was gone for 72 hours and I am the bad one?! But I am still trying to foster a relationship.
4. I believe that if people were more mature, open minded and forgiving then the children will thrive and live more productive lives. I know it is possible except in extreme cases like sexual abuse. If parents are communicating, the kids learn quite quickly that they cannot play the parents. They stop trying to get their parents back together, they stop trying to play one on the other to get what they want. It is just a better situation all the way around. I am sure it would be difficult for the one that was left but they have to move on and get over it for their kids. Stop being self centered and do the right thing.
5. People say divorce is a bad thing but is it really? If the parents can not get along how is that better? Think of the side effects of being miserable. In a divorce where the parents can compromise (within time) the kids get the best of both worlds. Your support circle expands and if you let it and can make life easier. My Ex and I sometimes share expenses for birthdays and medical bills. Birthdays for the girls are amazing because EVERYONE is there. My parents, His parents, My family and His family. I have a good relationship with his new wife and her father. I also agreed to take their son if anything were to happen to them so all of the kids can remain together. Crazy? Do you think? If I have something pressing or an emergency, I can count on the Ex to be there and feel safe that the kids will be there when I get back. The kids feel safe and don’t have to worry. It didn’t come easy though nor free. His wife made all kinds of threats. She told the girls horrible lies to try to get them to hate me. She told me that she was going to take my kids from me. We were in court all the time. I remarried and finally with my new husbands help we somehow called a truce and compromised. I lowered support and he couldn’t take me to court anymore. Our relationship has expanded off of that and now visitation, although court ordered, isn’t always followed. No missing important functions because it wasn’t my turn.
6. I don’t like the school system telling parents how to be parents. I once had a principle refuse to allow the girls to go with their father even when I talked to her personally and said that it was okay. What’s up with that? I had to actually go to the school, take the girls by the hand and place them into my Ex’s and say here have a nice day. Schools need to stick with teaching and leave the parenting up to the parents. It is fine to have and express your point of view but not to use the system to enforce it.
7. It frustrates me when the BM or SM boast about how they are right and can never admit to being wrong or even entertain the idea that there could be another way of handling a situation. It is a vicious circle with most people. Some one has to break the cycle. It is tough in a situation when so much has happened to both parties; the lies, the hatred, the heartbreak and loss. It is a lot to deal with and sometimes the kids get lost in it all. People have to focus on the children and stop making excuses for their own behaviors and mistakes. Take responsibility for their actions. What happened between the two adults was not due to the kids don’t make them suffer. There was a time when the two adults got along, so it is possible.
8. Communication: One last thing since this is so long anyway, I hate it when person A is willing to communicate and person B simply won’t have it. Then person B complains about how awful the person A is when the problem lies with the one that refuses to speak. Nothing gets handled without conversation, compromise and maturity.
Maybe I am not making a good start at this blogging thing but it is nice to be able to get this out to fresh ears. I would love to have feed back because who knows maybe my beliefs are built without enough facts.
Always open-minded
NT
1. I believe that each one has a very important role to play. They are both going to shape their children’s lives. It may not always be good but every experience is one to learn from. The parents of the children are the sole decision makers, Steps are welcome to have input though. Parents should not allow the Steps to treat the other parent with belittlement.
2. Everyone should give and take responsibility. I get frustrated when people put the responsibility on others to raise their children, protect their children or teach their children. It also strikes a nerve when parents want to tell the other parents what they should be doing in their home. They try to control not only their own world but others as well. There are times to be concerned but if they are not being abused in any way, belittled or neglected then it is not the absent parties responsibility to control. I particularly love how everyone knows what is going on at the other person’s house. (They never play with the kids or take them anywhere. All they do is watch T.V.)
3. I find it confusing as to why the Bio Mom gets upset and refuses to foster a relationship with the other when they are the one that left in the first place which in turn created the situation. I am sure I will probably get something back like how the husband was a horrible person and that may be true but that falls back to responsibility and living with the mistakes one has made. After that you have to take a bad situation and make the best out of it especially for the kids. I mean after all the Bio mom should be happy because not only has she gotten rid of what she thought was the problem but now has someone to help her raise her children. Which in some cases it is nice to have someone to bounce ideas off sometimes it is nice to have some time off. In my situation I am a 35 yr old who has raised a 17 yr old (plus 2 others 7 and 10) so to have a 27 yr old BM of one, come in and say that I don’t know how to wash clothes or take care of a child ticked me off. She left my husband and her daughter on Christmas day. She was gone for 72 hours and I am the bad one?! But I am still trying to foster a relationship.
4. I believe that if people were more mature, open minded and forgiving then the children will thrive and live more productive lives. I know it is possible except in extreme cases like sexual abuse. If parents are communicating, the kids learn quite quickly that they cannot play the parents. They stop trying to get their parents back together, they stop trying to play one on the other to get what they want. It is just a better situation all the way around. I am sure it would be difficult for the one that was left but they have to move on and get over it for their kids. Stop being self centered and do the right thing.
5. People say divorce is a bad thing but is it really? If the parents can not get along how is that better? Think of the side effects of being miserable. In a divorce where the parents can compromise (within time) the kids get the best of both worlds. Your support circle expands and if you let it and can make life easier. My Ex and I sometimes share expenses for birthdays and medical bills. Birthdays for the girls are amazing because EVERYONE is there. My parents, His parents, My family and His family. I have a good relationship with his new wife and her father. I also agreed to take their son if anything were to happen to them so all of the kids can remain together. Crazy? Do you think? If I have something pressing or an emergency, I can count on the Ex to be there and feel safe that the kids will be there when I get back. The kids feel safe and don’t have to worry. It didn’t come easy though nor free. His wife made all kinds of threats. She told the girls horrible lies to try to get them to hate me. She told me that she was going to take my kids from me. We were in court all the time. I remarried and finally with my new husbands help we somehow called a truce and compromised. I lowered support and he couldn’t take me to court anymore. Our relationship has expanded off of that and now visitation, although court ordered, isn’t always followed. No missing important functions because it wasn’t my turn.
6. I don’t like the school system telling parents how to be parents. I once had a principle refuse to allow the girls to go with their father even when I talked to her personally and said that it was okay. What’s up with that? I had to actually go to the school, take the girls by the hand and place them into my Ex’s and say here have a nice day. Schools need to stick with teaching and leave the parenting up to the parents. It is fine to have and express your point of view but not to use the system to enforce it.
7. It frustrates me when the BM or SM boast about how they are right and can never admit to being wrong or even entertain the idea that there could be another way of handling a situation. It is a vicious circle with most people. Some one has to break the cycle. It is tough in a situation when so much has happened to both parties; the lies, the hatred, the heartbreak and loss. It is a lot to deal with and sometimes the kids get lost in it all. People have to focus on the children and stop making excuses for their own behaviors and mistakes. Take responsibility for their actions. What happened between the two adults was not due to the kids don’t make them suffer. There was a time when the two adults got along, so it is possible.
8. Communication: One last thing since this is so long anyway, I hate it when person A is willing to communicate and person B simply won’t have it. Then person B complains about how awful the person A is when the problem lies with the one that refuses to speak. Nothing gets handled without conversation, compromise and maturity.
Maybe I am not making a good start at this blogging thing but it is nice to be able to get this out to fresh ears. I would love to have feed back because who knows maybe my beliefs are built without enough facts.
Always open-minded
NT
Thursday, February 28, 2008
When To Give Up?
I am new to the blogging so please bare with me and I will try not to ramble.
Brief background: I was married twice. I have one child to the 1st and 2 to the 2nd. I am now remarried and happy (Finally!!). My first husband choose to stay away for 13 years of his daughters life. Boom! now he is back. We had and still have some issues but he lives on the west coast and I live on the East so I don't have to be nice everyday. My second Husband is remarried. We had a horrible divorce but it panned out. We get along great (all of us) and the kids have benefited. But they are not the only ones. The relationship that compromise has help create is a functioning relationship and brings a whole new meaning to extended family.
However, since I remarried I became a Step Mom to a smart, beautiful and loving little 6 year old. The BM left my husband and her daughter on Christmas of 2004. She was under the impression that my husband would be so distraught that he would never date muchless get married ever again. I have tried on many occassions to communicate with her but she refuses to be atleast civil. I would just let it go except for the fact that she continuely says horriable things to the SD about me, my girls and her father. The poor girl is always put in a position to where she feels she needs to hide how she feels. I want to get the BM talking so I can figure out why she hates the fact that I am a SM now when she is the one that left and create the situation. Also by keeping the opposition close you know their next move. Does anyone have any thoughs?
Sincerely,
NT
Brief background: I was married twice. I have one child to the 1st and 2 to the 2nd. I am now remarried and happy (Finally!!). My first husband choose to stay away for 13 years of his daughters life. Boom! now he is back. We had and still have some issues but he lives on the west coast and I live on the East so I don't have to be nice everyday. My second Husband is remarried. We had a horrible divorce but it panned out. We get along great (all of us) and the kids have benefited. But they are not the only ones. The relationship that compromise has help create is a functioning relationship and brings a whole new meaning to extended family.
However, since I remarried I became a Step Mom to a smart, beautiful and loving little 6 year old. The BM left my husband and her daughter on Christmas of 2004. She was under the impression that my husband would be so distraught that he would never date muchless get married ever again. I have tried on many occassions to communicate with her but she refuses to be atleast civil. I would just let it go except for the fact that she continuely says horriable things to the SD about me, my girls and her father. The poor girl is always put in a position to where she feels she needs to hide how she feels. I want to get the BM talking so I can figure out why she hates the fact that I am a SM now when she is the one that left and create the situation. Also by keeping the opposition close you know their next move. Does anyone have any thoughs?
Sincerely,
NT
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